Part two. Fear

A few days ago, I left you with my life being spared. John and I are deeply humbled by this act of God. We have dear friends who have not been spared and daily we learn of other sweet believers whom God calls home to heaven, seemingly before their time. We do not take this life for granted.

Today I’d like to share a few instances where I was given to fear of the rupture happening again. It is a mild form of PTSD. But very real indeed. When one arrives home to recover from a life threatening illness the fear can easily get out of proportion.

  • No longer are you hooked up to machines that are read by a competent nursing staff and read hourly.
  • No longer do you have a call button and someone to answer your questions.
  • No longer do you have a hospital bed that can move in all sorts of comfortable nighttime positions.
  • No Doctor comes to check on you daily.
  • There is no handicap accessible anything!

 

What I did have is a loving family who would do anything for me. ANYTHING! I had you dear friends praying for me as specific as I could ask. And you did. And again prayers were answered. Daily. Something I talked about with God….and maybe mentioned in a chuckle sort of way to a friend, a Doctor, a relative, was my very real fear that it could happen again.

One day not long after coming home…I read a verse a young man sent me via Facebook. It really struck me. Like I’ve heard that verse somewhere else recently and that means God is speaking to me! So I called Nona and asked which Psalm Mike read to me when they visited me in the hospital? Sure enough they had read all of Psalm 118 and Ezra had sent me Psalm 118:17:

“I shall not die, but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the LORD.”

This was such a confirmation that God wanted me alive to tell others of His deeds! I’m alive to do just that! Thinking about this verse helped me overcome times of fear and discouragement. I also remember a sister sharing a verse on Facebook one day when I was particularly thinking “this could happen again.” I read that verse and it simply ministered to me to pick me up and set me right in my head and heart.

I normally have something called “motivation.” But after the surgery, it just seemed gone. Like I’d never again “feel” like doing what I’m doing with passion. Then there was a night in March where I lay awake praying about a circumstance unrelated to my health but dear to my heart. This circumstance was keeping me awake into the wee hours of the morning as I tried to pray from every angle.

Then my heart began to hurt. Or my chest? Or what was it anyway? Am I gonna die here while John is sleeping by my side?

Then the Lord brought to my mind a verse He had used two other times in the past to give me “peace.” This was the third time. Each time He used different parts of the verses to calm my troubled breast.

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

This time the reminder God gave me (as I quoted it back to Him in the darkness of my bed) is that God will guard my heart! Each time that night, when trouble came to trouble me, I quoted this verse with a big smile on my face. He has my heart. God will guard my heart. God has my heart. God is guarding my heart. I smiled. God heard.

I had real deliverance. Dear friend. I’m nothing special. I’m a plain Jane. I have no “inside” story. God can be the same for you as He is for me. We are sometimes shocked and surprised by our troubling circumstances. God isn’t. “In the arms of sweet deliverance, gonna lay my heavy burdens down.” Just do it. Thank you for listening. Thank you for praying. Heaven will declare it! These are a few of the deeds God has done for me since my surgery. There are many more. Praise to Him alone!